Back to it's purpose...

Today was good. Church was really good. It was on "Pain" today. Hmm... last week's and this week's talks have been very applicable.

Knitting at Border's was ok. Met a new knitter. She was very nice. We stayed for almost 2 hours. I got 2 pairs of khakis at J.Crew. I should've thought of that store first yesterday. They give a 15% discount to teachers on any non-sale items. That's super cool. They have very "teacher looking" clothes there. I spent the evening at Panera using the internet so I could get some things up and running. You need to check and accept. I'm gonna go home and do some more knitting. This project has been going quickly and I really like it. I need to work on Icarus shawl too.

I can't believe tomorrow is Monday! I am so not ready for this workweek to begin. But, the sooner it begins, the sooner it will be over. The sooner it is over, the close to Thanksgiving break I get and then to Christmas break! :) I'm thinking like a teacher again! Haha. I should start counting down to the end of the school year... is that bad that I'm already looking forward to that and I am not even an official teacher yet! (Speaking of that, I need to make sure I get my contract and health insurance soon!)

Well, I guess I need to start turning this back in to a blog about knitting and not letting my life consume it. I need to let it get back to the reason I started it... KNITTING! :) So, I'll update my life a little, but this will be back to a blog about what I'm knitting, what I want to knit, etc. soon. Sorry for the tangent of life I got on here. Thanks for listening! :)

Good night

It's 11pm. I'm hanging out at Kim & Jeff's house with them and Jenn. We're watching "Up". It's funny because there are talking dogs and in the middle of them talking, they will randomly say, "Squirrel!". I laugh because it reminds me of "Chicken!". :) I'm tired...

Today I bought 2 pairs of jeans at AE, khakis at Ann Taylor, and a couple shirts while at Target. I spent a little more than I wanted but oh well. I still need atleast one more pair of khakis. Birkdale was a zoo and I plan to not go back there for clothes for a while. I think I will try the mall next.

I've been knitting some today. I actually hadn't knit since a week and a half
ago. I'm liking how this project is turning out.

Going to church tomorrow. I don't know which service I'm going to. It'll be nice tomorrow so I thought about doing something after that. I might try a new knitting group at Borders at Northlake Mall. We'll see.

Well, my friend, I'm going to finish watching this movie. I need to keep my eyes open!

Til tomorrow.

Lazy Day

It really has been a lazy day. I woke up so early and yet have not accomplished much today. I sat around watching stupid tv shows and movies in my pjs til after lunch. I still need to go shopping. I went to Panera to grab a sandwich and use the internet. I plan on heading to Birkdale to American Eagle/Gap/Banana Republic for some khakis and black pants and shirts. I really don't want to spend a lot on this stuff but they are now a necessity (the more money I can save, the better!). AE's pants always fit the best but I know their stuff can look too junior high-ish. Gap and BR always have nice stuff but I really don't know if I want to pay some of those prices. So, I'll check it out... Target might be where I end up if things look too expensive. I've always had an issue with only buying certain name brands... I think that probably needs to change if saving money is my goal. Although I did get an email from AE saying all their jeans are buy one, get one 50% off... :) I have a gift card for the movie theater that I need to use. I got it last year from the hockey coach for volunteering. Maybe there'll be a time to use that?

I started a new knitting project today. It'll be a surprise. :) I will eventually have to get some info so it can be finished. For now, I'm loving the way it's looking. I am also thinking about starting a Christmas project in case I get one of my sister's names for Christmas present(s). I don't know what I'll do if I get my brother's name. He likes hunting/fishing/camping/etc. and is a college student, so I'm pretty sure anything will be good. He usually has a list a mile long of things he wants. Since Mom won't wear anything I knit, I don't have to worry about her (plus we are getting her those tickets...). I got to figure out my dad's gift (again, not a wearer of knitted items). His gift is usually bought the day before because that's when we finally figure out what to get him. When we do ask him what he wants for Christmas, his response (as well as my mom's) is ALWAYS, "For all my children to get along." My response is usually, "I am civil to my siblings!" because I honestly have not gotten into any major (or many minor) battles in about 2 years or so. I can't say that for the rest of my siblings. Lexi will get something knitted (as always) and she, too, is getting a ticket (like my mom). I sometimes get my grandparents gifts. It really depends on my money situation at that point. I did knit my Nan (my mom's mom) a scarf 2 (or 3) years ago and she loves it. Maybe I'll knit her something again. I don't know about my dad's mom (also Nan). And then there's one gift I have to really start thinking about...

The holidays are going to be hard.

I'm kinda rambling. I am trying to just make this like a conversation. I've been all over with this one. There would've definitely been a "Hey look, a chicken!" at some point because of the randomness of half of this post!

I do have to say that your first note haunts me. I'm glad you changed your mind. But, it scares me still; it makes my heart race, hands shake, and stomach turn. Breathe. Hope.

I've been thinking more and more about the tattoos I want. I was talking to the girl who is taking over my after-school class about tattoos. She said her husband is an artist and is getting ready to open his own shop (with some friends). She said she's gonna get some prices for me. I like the KNIT/PURL idea. I had seen it over a year ago and kinda forgot about it til you started talking about it. I've thought about the outline of a chicken (or atleast it's head), an olive, some sort of knitting tatoo, and/or the Christian fish (I know, I know...). :) I NEED to get one though. I also have been thinking about getting my nose pierced (that's been for about a year). I don't know...

Well, off to shop. Not my favorite thing in the world to do, but I gotta.

Til later...

Too early

I woke up at 5:30am. I've laid here for an hour, hoping to go back to sleep. I have not.

So, after checking FB and my email, I've decided to write.

It was really hard. The tears wanted to come immediately as I walked through that door. My heart hurt and was beating so quickly that I thought it might explode. Could you hear it? I probably could've thrown up right then and there. I knew what was coming. Don't ask how, I just did. I really am not surprised. I came back because it hurt way too much to leave the way I did. And I knew it hurt you; I was not ok with that! I just didn't know what else to do. You can't have a breakdown in the middle of that place (and definitely not the 5 or so times I thought I was going to). So that's why I left. I came back knowing you wouldn't take it back. But I thought I'd try. :) Thank you. I'm glad I came back.

And I know you would do whatever you had to for them and what's best for them. I understand, appreciate, and respect that. I would like to say that I wouldn't want it any other way (they being first) but that would mean I'm only telling half the truth. You know that.

And I am still here. That's not changing. I've thought about it and my decision hasn't changed. So, "Yes." I was and still am willing.

No hope lost.

;) (*wink*)

Not too much time right now...

I only have about 15 minutes to write because of today's schedule. I'm tired. I've been putting in double duty with teaching from 7:45am-2:45pm and then after-school til 5:45pm. It's a lot. I wish there was monetary compensation. I know where it would go... right to the bank. Today is payday, so I'm glad about that, even though it is just my regular paycheck. Atleast I have a job, right!?! I am blessed in that way.

It's Friday! I can't believe it. This week went quickly and yet so slow. I feel like I'm in a fog or bubble... nothing seems real. There are things I want to do, and yet I can't. It's hard. It hurts. But, I'm trying to be strong and hopeful. Help me do that by being strong too.

I thought about going tonight. I don't know if I should...

I've been in the writing mood.

I like to write. It's always been something that comes naturally to me. (Being an English major in college came pretty easy when there was a paper due.) I never kept a diary or journal. I would try to but lose the desire after a couple of days. I don't think I will lose the desire anymore. So I will continue with this blog... maybe writing more than once a day. I've thought about morning, lunch, dinner, and night posts... maybe that's too much... But if that's what's needed, I am willing.

I HAVE to go shopping this weekend! I need teacher clothes! I got rid of all of them when I moved. So I have to buy khakis and black pants and and shoes and shirts... maybe a skirt. :) I also have to clean my room. It has been seriously neglected these past 2 weeks. I have too many clean clothes and somehow too many dirty clothes all at the same time! I will probably get rid of some of the clothes... I have way too many t-shirts! I could always make a blanket or something out of them (but I really can't sew). I need to get my passport and I need to find a place to live. I want to get a tattoo and probably my nose pierced. I WANT...

Hey look, there's a chicken.

I got off topic there for a minute. Sorry about that (no, I'm really not). :)

I am hating this weather and the darkness starting so early in the evening. I hate getting off work in the dark. I hate getting home in the dark. I hate this rainy and cold weather! Seriously, it's not helping!! Although I've been able to wear a scarf all morning, day, and night. I like that.

Work announced my change of position today. They called all the parents in the class (and the class this teacher will going in to) to tell them I'll be the teacher. The parents were supportive. One of the parents was extatic! That makes me happy to know these parents already have good thoughts about me. I guess that says a lot for my work ethic and, well, me. Haha.

Well I'm trying to decide if I'm gonna go out tonight. It's a school night. My friend Brittany and her coworkers are going to a bar for a drink and karaoke. I'm thinking about going. But it is a school night. I have about 2 hrs to decide. I'm afraid I will start drinking and not be able to stop. With the way things are, I'm afraid it'll go that way... I have no one to tell me to stop. And then I might do something I shouldn't... We'll see...

a dream.

For as long as I've been knitting and have visited yarn stores, I've dreamed of opening a yarn store. Who wouldn't want to "waste away" their days in a store of yummy yarn, knitting in-between the visiting customers, teaching classes, watching people progress in knitting, making friends and deepening the existing relationships, and learning more about myself in the process.

I still see that as a possibility. Really. Why not? I mean, I've only been thinking about this for about 7 1/2 years. I planned on doing it at some point in my life. Why wait too long! So, I'm going to start seriously thinking about it.

I am going to buckle down, start trying to save (every little bit will help), and hope that within the next couple of years this dream will become a reality. I'm thinking that I might be able to really try to save for 2 to 3 years, get together a business plan, and then start moving forward with this. Maybe by then I'll finally win that lottery. :) If this takes getting a 2nd job (weekends and/or evenings), I am willing to do it. This isn't just for me. Know that. I am willing to try. This 2-3 years of saving will allow me to come up with an idea of how the store could look, where it could be, what I could afford, etc.

The need for the store will be there, and I'm not just talking about a place for the customers and friends.

I need it too.

And, maybe, there'll be a rabbit. Or a chicken.


Dream. Don't let it die.

(P.S. Anyone out there have some $$ laying around that you'd like to donate (or invest in) to this dream. I willingly accept cash and checks. Haha.)